#40: The 8 Stages of Being Unemployed
What stage are you in?
Laid Off Life is a place of respite for the weary workforce. Whether you’re unemployed, underemployed, or just trying to make it through the workday, let this be your 5-minute mental break from the grind of late-stage capitalism.
The 8 Stages of Being Unemployed
Everyone has a different way of coping with being unemployed. And I’m no Kübler-Ross, that’s for sure, but I’ve observed (in myself and others) distinct stages of being unemployed that everyone seems to move through. By identifying these stages, maybe we can gain insight into the complex rollercoaster of thoughts, behaviors, and emotions that ensue following a layoff. (And yes, there are a lot of feelings. You’re not alone.)
Here are the 8 stages of being unemployed according to a person who’s moved through them all. Sigh…IYKYK.
1. Extended Vacay: “This is just a really long holiday, right?” You are on vacation…indefinitely!! Why not take this opportunity to do all the things on that long ass list you were never able to get to when you were a full-time working stiff? Book that vacation to Spain, sleep in late on a random Tuesday, attend a weekday matinee, start drinking wine at 2pm, take up birding! Eventually you’re extended vacay life will get a little old OR you’ll have a rude awakening about money —whichever comes first — and then you’ll be forced to dip a toe back into the job market with the confidence only a person who’s been on vacay for a month(s) can possess.
2. Unfounded Confidence: “I’m definitely the next big thing in the job market!” Who wouldn’t want to hire you? You’re more well-rested than you’ve been in a decade! You have a tan from all that birding. Your resume and experience are about to set these hiring managers on fire. How are you even available after 30 days of unemployment? It’s unthinkable! Seriously. You send off a few job apps for your top pick companies and wait for their grateful responses but…hear crickets.
3. Networking Like a Mofo: “Let’s connect! Can I buy you a coffee?” The only reason you’re not hearing back from potential employers is because your contacts don’t know you’re available, right? You can fix that with some aggressive networking! Reach out to everyone you know. Make a spreadsheet to track your progress. Schedule a gajillion coffees and Zoom meetups. You gain lots of new friends (and reconnect with a few old friends) but work opportunities…nada. Which leads you to LinkedIn searching for answers.
4. LinkedIn Obsession/Burnout: “Must. Scroll. Endlessly.” Wait, what is this? It’s all happening on LinkedIn, you say? Unlisted job opps, endless career advice from self-appointed experts, unemployment trauma porn, LinkedInfluencers, the opportunity to contribute your expertise to articles! You used to go on LinkedIn only when you were hiring or researching. Now LinkedIn is the center of your entire universe. It’s the portal to employment Narnia. You scroll, and scroll, and scroll through your feed like a marathon runner on a treadmill until realizing that you’re getting no closer to the finish line.
5. Dramatic Realization: “I’m never going to work again, am I?” You have scrolled to the end of the LinkedIn earth. You have seen the truth and the truth hurts. No one wants to hire you. There are 1,000 job applicants competing for every job you’re interested in and they are much better at writing cover letters than you. If you are unemployed forever, what will your future look like? Living in a tent off the grid? Moving back into your parent’s basement? Joining the circus as an intern? You have failed at life. How have you ended up here?
6. Navel Gazing: “Who am I? What’s my purpose?” You embark on a deep philosophical and psychological journey to find your reason for being. It includes journaling, meditation, therapy, manifestation, a trip to an ashram, and 12 weeks of The Artist’s Way. You learn about Human Design, get a tarot reading, visit an energy healer, and pay a witch $13.69 to cast a dream job spell for you. What the hell do you have to lose? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
7. Anxiety Spiral Into Action: “I need to do something. Anything!” Gripped by anxiety during one of your long mediation sessions, you realize that nothing is ever going to happen if you spend entire days listening to binaural beats and reprogramming your unconscious. You have to DO something! You apply for jobs —rapid fire. Everything from cartographer to circus clown. It doesn’t matter, your skills are totally transferrable, and you’ve done some absolutely mortifying things for money (including changing doggie diapers!). As long as the job offers a reliable paycheck and health insurance, you’re in!! While you’re waiting to hear back from those 150 potential employers, you set up your side hustles. A newsletter about being laid off. An Etsy shop for your dog’s art. You’ve seen Shark Tank. You never know what idea will make you a millionaire.
8. Doing YOU, Finally: “Alright, time to do this MY way!” You realize that, despite what LinkedInfluencers tell you, there is no “right” way to find a job. Your dog’s art is not going to pay the bills, unfortunately. There is no magic formula (or spell) that’s going to change reality. It’s a challenging job market. Finding a job right now is tough. You need to figure out what’s next. But you’re going to do that YOUR way. Maybe you’re thinking about starting your own business. Maybe it’s time to pivot to a new industry. Maybe you need to customize your cover letters or stalk hiring managers more successfully. Regardless, you WILL have to humble yourself to the work of working. You will have to get in the flow of your work river. You will continue to face rejection but you will do it with grace and patience, knowing that this too shall pass. When will it pass? Who knows. But you’ve come by this hard-won understanding with humility. You’ve accepted that you’re moving on to the next stage of your life. Employment. Some how. Some way. It may not look how you thought it would look. But one way or another, you’re going to find an authentic way to fit into this damn work force, whether it wants you or not.
Gems From My DMs
The best stuff people sent me.
When someone asks me what I do at my corporate job//Come vibe with us…no seriously// The remix we’ve all been waiting for!//Life lessons from LinkedIn//The under appreciated art of marmots fighting// GYAT or prepare to be schooled by 5th graders//Job titles as…farts// Chipotle, anyone?//Vocal etiquette tips for women in the workplace//
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This is hands down the best post I've read about being laid off—it was hilarious and totally lifted my mood. If I can add to the conversation, I'd bring up the battle against ATS systems. Navigating those loooooong forms in platforms like Workday is a true test of patience, where auto-rejections mean death by AI. It’s like a modern version of gaming—except there’s no fun, just frustration. Back in the day, we tackled gaming challenges with creative tactics for fun. Now, it’s about figuring out how those AI algorithms score your CV and deciding which hoops to jump through to avoid being cut out of opportunities.
Hopefully, being left in the dark about what happens to your CV and application will change soon. I think I read somewhere about AI being used to explain exactly why you were auto-rejected. It’s funny when you think about it—AI getting beaten by AI! Still, it makes me wonder... how much are we really gaining from this as humans?