#7: I Paid An Etsy Witch $13.69 To Cast A Job Spell For Me
And other woo woo things I'm doing to land a job.
Laid Off Life is a place of respite for the weary workforce. Whether you’re unemployed, on strike or just trying to make it through the workday, let this be your 5-minute mental break from the grind of late-stage capitalism.
In this weekly newsletter, you’ll find musings and insights about work and life, things I’m finding useful (or useless) in my job search, gems from my DMs, and recs about worthy ways to waste time - from articles to TV shows and podcasts and beyond.
Useful/Useless? The Woo Woo Ritual Edition
In this feature, I try things and give my honest assessment.
More than six months of unemployment in this insane job market and I’ve gone from job seeker to straight-up seeker. At this point, it seems like I’ll need a miracle to rejoin the workforce. Here are a few woo-woo rituals I’ve tried to support my job search. Judge me if you’d like…or maybe you’ll join me on the fringes!
To Be Magnetic: I’m not into vision boards and I think The Secret is a victim-blamey pile of poop. Instead, I’ve been working through some of the To Be Magnetic courses, which promise a “unique manifestation process is backed by neuroscience, psychology, EMDR, epigenetics, and energetics.” The technique supposedly helps you raise your self-worth and reprogram subconscious limiting beliefs to become the most authentic version of yourself.
Verdict: The founder Lacy Phillips definitely annoys me BUT I feel more clear-headed and focused after doing the self-hypnosis exercises and journaling never hurt anyone! Have I manifested a job (or a lottery win) yet? Nope.
The Class: I’ve been doing The Class since the 2020 lockdown. I kept doing it because it works on two levels - as a kickass workout or as a spiritual practice for your “physical body.” Part of the practice is using sound and releasing emotions. So, it’s also a safe space to scream or cry while you’re sweating your guts out.
Verdict: For $40/ month, it’s very helpful for processing and releasing “big feelings” about being unemployed. Plus, they have lots of live-streaming and on-demand classes that require no equipment.
Human Design: After many years of surfing the New Agey fringes, the Internet has finally learned about Enneagrams. Eh. Personally, I find Human Design far more useful. Human Design is supposed to help you identify your “energy style” so you can survive and thrive in an effortless way that aligns with your innate gifts and talents. You can get a free chart here.
Verdict: It was very helpful to think about what being a Generator means through the lens of my career. Generators have the tendency to try to “make things happen” when what is most optimal is to wait for life to present itself, get in the flow of the now, and only commit to things that they have a strong gut instinct about. More simply stated, for Generators, every opportunity is either a HELL YES or a NO. MAYBE should not exist in a Generator’s vocabulary. So, sit back and wait for career opportunities to come to me? OK, sure!
Focused Life Force Energy: I’m not even sure I totally understand how Focused Life Force Energy works. My understanding is that two guys in Canada send elevated vibes to a location or your cell phone device of your choosing and it’s supposed to help you raise your consciousness. You can sign up for a free 15-day trial without giving your credit card.
Verdict: My trial to elevate the vibes of my apartment started a week ago and I haven’t felt any noticeable difference in my consciousness or employment status. Will report back if there’s a major shift.
Career Spells on Etsy: I never cease to be in awe of what you can buy on Etsy. From resume templates to career spells. I’m above none of it! Yes, I spent $13.69 for a coven of witches to cast a Dream Job Spell for me. This spell will supposedly “set universal events in motion which will equip you and lead you toward landing your dream job!”
Verdict: Per the Black Cat Coven, you have to wait for the spell to work its magic, but the customer reviews are solid so I have very high hopes!
Worthy Woo Woo Time Wasters
Here are my weekly recs to combat doom scrolling.
LISTEN: Deep Dive with Jamie Stein Podcast
I’m such a Jamie Stein stan! Jamie is an intuitive and empath who uses his gifts for the really important stuff…taking a psycho-spiritual look at Reality TV. This podcast is incredibly enjoyable to listen to —especially when Jamie “drops in” to the psyches of our favorite Bravolebrities.
WATCH: The Deep End
This four-part docuseries follows controversial spiritual leader Teal Swan. I’ll start with the bad news. You can’t watch this series on any streamer. It was previously on Hulu, but now you have to buy it. Good news: It was well worth the $3.99 I paid for it.
If you haven’t heard of Teal Swan, she rose to spiritual fame on YouTube, where she gained a following. She focuses on healing trauma with something she calls the Completion Process.The docuseries takes you through the rest of Teal’s journey from a survivor of sexual abuse to a world-famous cult leader with up close and very personal access.
Teal has spoken out since the release of the docuseries saying that she was falsely portrayed by deceptive editing. She shows some “proof” of this claim in the video above along with a claim that the director has come forward saying that he edited the series to show what things “felt like” rather than how they actually were. Teal makes some compelling points in her rebuttal video, but I still saw her do and say some things on camera that were very disturbing — through no fault of bad editing.
READ: Will The Rains Extinguish Burning Man? (The New Yorker)
Burning Man 2023 is the new Fyre Festival complete with a false rumor of an Ebola outbreak, a mess of funny memes, and a docuseries on the way. As someone inThe New Yorker article put it, the festival is“the ultimate expression of a capitalist economy that throws off so much surplus wealth” that “tens of thousands of people can gather to create self-destructing artifacts.”
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