#32: I Paid An Etsy Witch $13.69 to Cast a Job Spell for Me - And Here's What Happened

Six months later, I'm ready to share an update about the results of my dream job spell.

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I Paid An Etsy Witch $13.69 to Cast a Job Spell for Me - And Here's What Happened

Update time! About six months ago, when I was in my rock-bottom unemployment era, in a space of…let’s call it desperation, I was exploring several woo-woo rituals to amp up my job search.

One of them was engaging a coven of Etsy witches to cast a Dream Job Spell for me. As advertised, this spell promised to “set universal events in motion which will equip you and lead you toward landing your dream job!” All I had to do was pay Black Cat Coven $13.69 and wait for the spell to work its magic. Forty-eight hours later, I received a photo of my spell on the altar (see photo above) along with some divine wisdom from the witches. Here’s an excerpt:

All of us have a divine life purpose but very few actually manage to live a life by design and instead get caught in the 9 - 5 trap working a job they hate. You are not destined to waste your precious existence YOU. ARE. DIFFERENT. Dare to embrace new opportunities and take inspired action when the inclination to do so arises - this will be the divine guiding you!

Now that you know the backstory. Here’s what happened:

Two weeks after the spell was cast, I had the opportunity to pitch for a dream project. This was something I’d had on my manifestation list since 2020. Something that seemed like a real long shot. It’s not a dream job in the traditional 9-5 sense but it is a dream project. Apologies in advance for my lack of specificity here. It’s the worst sin you can commit as a writer, I know. But I’m not able to share all the details yet. I promise I’ll shout it from the rooftops once I can.

TLDR; the pitching process for this project went on for the next 5 months. It seemed like it could happen, maybe it would happen. Somedays I felt sure it would and on other days, I was like, no fucking way, that would be too unreal.

On Valentine’s Day, I received news that the project was moving forward and last week I signed my contract. I keep pinching myself and asking if this is really happening. It is!

Attribute it to a spell purchased on Etsy for $13.69, my own hard work, determination, and vision, or some excellent fucking luck, but I finally have momentum and am moving in a direction that I know is 100% “cruise” for me.

Here’s my takeaway: It was never about landing a dream job — although this project is a dream for me. It wasn’t about money. It wasn’t about prestige. It was about fully committing to building a career that is by MY design. MY goals. MY dreams. MY unique talents. Not a box that a company wants to slot a hired hand into. When I finally admitted to myself that I didn’t want to go back to a 9-5 right now (or maybe ever), as scary as that is, I set myself free. And that was when the career magic happened. And if the spell set that in motion, then it was the best $13.69 I have ever spent.

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Worthy Time Wasters: The Irish Edition 🍀

Here are my weekly recs to combat doom scrolling.

🎥 Irish Wish (Netflix)

I’m obviously going to watch any Lindsay Lohan vehicle I can get my hands on. Irish Wish was truly terrible in the best way possible. No point in me telling you the plot — it’s ridiculous! There is magic, there is absurd physical comedy, and there is romance. What else do you need to know? Ah, how far Lilo has come since her fake accent days. Not to fear. There are no accents for Ms. Lohan in this film. Although I’m sure Irish people are mortified by the many tropes and stereotypes in this movie. 🥴

📚 The Hunter by Tana French

Tana French is the master of Irish crime fiction. If you haven’t already read them, I highly recommend her Dublin Murder Squad series. She’s moved on to a new series set in the Irish countryside, with hero, Cal Hooper, a retired Chicago policeman. The first book, The Searcher, introduces Cal and a local, half-feral teenage girl, Trey Reddy. In the second book in the series, The Hunter, Trey’s long-absent father reappears, bringing along an English millionaire and a scheme to find gold in the townland. As always, French’s books are beautifully written and psychologically intricate. This one is no exception.

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Gems from my DMs

The best stuff people sent me.

Via @britishmemes

New recommended work schedule for people over 40 👯🏻‍♀️// Tired…all the motherfucking time// Why do so many famous women have book clubs?// Want to nail your next job interview? Try this // Hair goals // How work really affects your mental health // Absorb the inspiration // If Moira Rose wrote a resignation letter // CEO layoff emails be like… // Are we all following Amanda Bynes’ career transition journey? //

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