#24: Don't Ever Get Used to Being Rejected
How to reframe rejection so it doesn't kill your soul
Laid Off Life is a place of respite for the weary workforce. Whether you’re unemployed, underemployed, or just trying to make it through the workday, let this be your 5-minute mental break from the grind of late-stage capitalism.
Don’t Ever Get Used to Being Rejected
“I’m getting used to being rejected,” a sister LOLer said to me last week.
She is one of the most mighty, capable, smart, accomplished, and driven people I know. So, this statement shocked me, naturally.
“No!! Don’t ever get used to being rejected,” I told her, filled with resolve.
I have a decades-long, complicated relationship with rejection — especially because I spent much of my life as a performer. If that’s something you’ve ever done seriously, you understand that being rejected constantly is the price of admission. You have to have balls of steel, unshakable confidence, and an unbreakable spirit to survive audition after audition, waiting for a yes that may never come. It’s brutal.
Frequent rejection can rock your soul to the core, and awaken sleeping“not good enough” dragons. When I quit performing in my 20s, I thought that I’d never have to experience repeated rejection ever again. Being evaluated by a potential employer on my intelligence, skills, passion, and ideas would be a cakewalk after being judged mostly for arbitrary and superficial things, right?
When I started job hunting after my layoff last year, I thought, “I got this!” Let me tell you, I so didn’t have this. Repeatedly being rejected stung even worse than in my acting days…if that’s possible. I was falling back into that familiar black hole of self-doubt. What’s wrong with me? I’m not good enough! BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
How did I pull myself out?
I’ll give you the short answer. I’ve come to realize that rejection is not an indicator of your inherent worthiness, it’s an indicator that an opportunity is not right for you right now. If you can see it that way, and stay with that truth, you’re going to be golden. There can be a million reasons why opportunities are wrong for you, and most of them have very little to do with you. Your job is not to solve the mystery of why things aren’t working out or to punish yourself because they haven’t. Your job is to learn more about what opportunities you truly want to pursue.
I know from experience that rejection is a state of being that, once you indulge in it, you’re done for. It’s a black hole that sucks your soul into the void. When you get used to being rejected, you’re buying into the narrative that you are somehow responsible for that rejection. That you could have said something differently, prepared more or done a better job of selling yourself. In essence, you’re cosigning the idea that YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. Don’t do that 💩! It’s a waste of your precious energy.
YOU ARE ENOUGH. Even if you don’t believe it right now…it’s the truth! In my most rational and lucid moments, I understand that so much of this career transformation process is a mental game and you have to get your head right and your confidence on lock before you experience any forward momentum. You have to be ready to let the best of you shine when the right opportunity crosses your path. There is a greater wisdom at work here and it’s called timing.
Read More:
Worthy Time Wasters
Here are my weekly recs to combat doom scrolling.
📺 Love on the Spectrum (Netflix)
“Love is a dagger, a pretty thing that enchants but also hurts.” Have truer words ever been spoken? With that sentiment, Season 2 of Love on the Spectrum kicks off. It’s one of my very favorite docuseries in recent years, following people on the Autism spectrum who are looking for love. If you thought dating (or job hunting) was hard, this life-affirming show will remind you of what it looks like to have an indomitable and pure spirit in the face of adversity. 💗
📺 American Nightmare (Netflix)
I think most of us who love true crime can agree that we’re getting a little bit tired of the limited series being force-fed to us by streamers like Netflix that are infecting the global population with “true-crime brain.” American Nightmare certainly falls into the Missing White Woman Syndrome category but I still think it’s a story worthy of being told. I won’t say more for fear of spoilers, but it’s a wild ride worthy of investing three hours of your life into.
This mashup true crime/ paranormal podcast is what we all need in our lives. (h/t to Jen for recommending this one). Ghost Story is hosted by Tristan Redman, a journalist who never believed in ghosts despite weird things happening in his childhood bedroom. When years later he discovers that other occupants of the same house reported being visited by the ghost of a faceless woman, he’s forced to re-examine his experiences. Why? Because…wait for it…it just so happens that Tristan’s childhood home is right next door to the house where his wife’s great grandmother, Naomi Dancy, was murdered in 1937. Could there be a connection between the ghost and the murder? Tristan is compelled to investigate and soon finds himself going where no son-in-law should go, deep into his wife’s family history, asking questions no one wants answered. CHILLS!
📱 Peloton
New year, new work out routine. I sampled several different fitness apps to see if there was something that would supplement my yoga practice and my addiction to The Class. Honestly, the best in the bunch was the Peloton app. You can use it on the treadmill or the bike in the gym (you don’t need to own a piece of Peloton equipment), for strength training, HIIT, yoga, outdoor exercise, you name it, the app has it. There is even a section where you can search for workouts by musical artist soundtrack. They have different plans starting at $12.99/month — the first 2 months are free! Maybe it’s a little cult-y but why not?
Gems From My DMs
The best stuff people sent me.
Dogs+ Glamour Shots = Amazing// Has anyone tried interview warmup?//Well this is a bop//The most appropriate Saltburn meme//This Haiku just about sums it up//If one more person talks about inner child work…//Out in 2024: Corporate Fan Fic aka Cover Letters//Changing up my job search parameters like…//
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