#91: An Open Letter to the Bots Invading My Inbox
I started a business. I didn’t know I was also adopting hundreds of pushy pen pals.
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An Open Letter to the Bots Invading My Inbox
Dear Bots SPAMing My Inbox,
First of all, congratulations. You’ve officially beaten out “finding affordable health insurance” for the title of Worst Thing About Starting My Own Business. I did not see that coming.
When I decided to stop overthinking and finally start my own business, I was prepared to face my fears:
Not finding clients
Not making enough money to survive
Wearing all the hats, including but not limited to: Founder, CFO, Intern, Head of Business Dev, Bookkeeper
Flaming out in a blaze of underperforming glory
But no one warned me about you.
You, with your subject lines that scream “Quick Question” like we’re old pals. You, with your “Just checking in again!” vibes—like I owe you money. You, who ask if my delivery process is repeatable, as though I am Prime 2-day shipping in human form. You, with your many questions: Do I need a web developer from Vietnam? Is my payroll stressing me out? Do I need a strategy to leverage video for acquisition??
NO AND NO .
And let’s talk about all the gaslighting. You tell me “If this isn’t the right time, just reply with 'beans,' and I’ll quietly step away!” (BEANS?? WHY BEANS?? THIS IS A REAL SENTENCE FROM MY INBOX)—but we both know that’s a trap. Because if I don’t reply, you interpret that as an open invitation to email me every 72 hours until the sun burns out. You hit me with passive-aggressive gems like:
WTF??? Honestly? I was all good. Until you started negging me with your weird Mad Libs. Are you hitting on me? Are you my cousin? I can’t tell anymore, but I promise to stay consistent in NEVER EMAILING YOU BACK.
Look, I appreciate the hustle. But your hustle is giving stalker. Your brand voice is giving middle school improv group that just discovered sales jargon. So I beg you. Kindly take your inbound revenue synergy opportunity and your 5x content acquisition strategy and leave me in peace. I’m just out here trying to survive. I’m looking for useful business leads from actual humans I know. People who send me emails that don’t start with “Did you see this, Ami?”
YES, I saw it. And NO, I don’t ever want to see it again.
Beans,
Ami
P.S. If you're reading this and planning to pitch me a tool that uses AI to clean up your inbox, DON’T. I am perfectly happy to mass delete your emails.
Worthy Time Wasters
Here are my recs to combat doom scrolling.
📺 It’s been a minute since I’ve shared recs, so here’s my my nice, big end of spring, almost summer haul!
Overcompensating (Prime): This one hit me right in the unresolved college trauma. One of the better dramedies I’ve seen in a while!
Étoile (Prime): Quirky, chaotic, occasionally touching. Amy Sherman-Palladino, doing what she does.
Poker Face S2 (Peacock): Natasha Lyonne is back solving murders like a modern-day Columbo. Guest stars = 10/10.
Adults (Hulu): Only a couple of episodes in so far, but it appears to be a smart GenZ comedy.
The Four Seasons (Netflix): A funny, melancholy little series about realizing you're officially middle-aged. There’s wine. There are long walks. There are regrets. I felt seen and slightly attacked.
And Just Like That S3 (Max): I’m still reeling from Carrie’s Strawberry Shortcake hat. It’s still unhinged. I’m still watching. I hate it. I love it. Send help.
The Rehearsal S2 (Max): I’ve never found a season of television more thought-provoking. It was brilliant. Still think about it every day. Your controls.
Hacks S4 (Max): Sharpest show on TV right now. When is Season 5 premiering?
The Studio (Apple TV+): A behind-the-scenes industry spoof that somehow feels both totally absurd and way too real. It’s worth watching for Kathryn Hahn’s HMU alone!
The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives (Hulu): I intended to casually watch the series. Cut to: me deep in TikTok rabbit holes, reading Reddit threads, and listening to the wives’ interviews on The Viall Files. It’s OK, judge me.
🎥 Pee-wee as Himself (Max): If you came of age in the Pee-wee generation, you won’t want to miss this weird and wonderful love letter to Paul Reubens, performance art, punk rock, and misunderstood misfits.
📚 Lots of good reads below!
Broken Country by Clare Leslie Hall: A sweeping love story, Broken Country is a novel of simmering passion, impossible choices, and explosive consequences.
Maine Characters by Hannah Orenstein: I picked this up thinking it’d be light, beachy sister drama—and it is! But it’s also a heartfelt exploration of grief, identity, and what it means to belong. When their father dies, half-sisters from very different worlds (NYC sommelier meets Maine high school teacher) are forced into one small lakeside cabin in Maine. There are secrets. There’s wine. There’s emotional baggage. A solid summer read with just enough depth.
Great Big Beautiful Life by Emily Henry: Not her best—and I say this as a fan. Felt a little reminiscent of The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. Still an enjoyable read.
Thank You for Listening by Julia Whelan: If you love audiobooks, this one’s meta in the best way. Written and narrated by one of the greatest audiobook narrators, it’s a romance about two voice actors with banter for days and baggage to match. Yes, you have to listen to it. You’ll thank me.
Audition by Katie Kitamura: A middle-aged actress is confronted by a young man claiming to be her son—and from there, reality fractures. It’s more mood than plot, but the themes around performance, identity, and motherhood are razor-sharp.
Set Piece by Lana Schwartz: An actor and a production designer onto the set of a Gatsby remake—and realize that they had a one-night stand 5 years earlier. This 831 novella is short, sharp, and sexy. If you want something smart and swoony you can read in a single sitting, this is it.
🎧 Fated Mates Podcast: I’ve been spending a lot of time in Romancelandia. (See reading list above.) Whether you’re deep in a historical romance rabbit hole or just trying to remember the last time a book made you blush, this is the place to explore romance deep cuts galore.
Sexy Unique Podcast: Valley of the Dolls: Of course I’m listening to a podcast that recaps a reality show I’m already watching, The Valley (Peacock). Layered content consumption is my fave. They are also recapping And Just Like That (Max) for paid subs.