#31: The Unemployment Diaries with Sara Demenkoff
On tapping into your inner cheetah, networking without being transactional, and why you deserve better than easy.
Laid Off Life is a place of respite for the weary workforce. Whether you’re unemployed, underemployed, or just trying to make it through the workday, let this be your 5-minute mental break from the grind of late-stage capitalism.
Meet Sara Demenkoff, a Senior Entertainment Marketing Executive with extensive experience at media giants such as Paramount Global/Showtime and NBCU. I’m thrilled she agreed to share her Laid Off Life journey with us.
If you’d like to be featured in The Unemployment Diaries in the future, email me at laidofflife@substack.com!
Sara, tell us your layoff story.
Well, it was a bummer, but not a horror story like so many. I had a great boss who I respected (still do!). From her first day running our team, she supported me. She believed in me. She promoted me. My layoff was done via Zoom, but it was just the two of us. I could tell she felt terrible. I did too. Another wise executive said upon his departure, “Everyone has a first day and everyone has a last day. These chairs are rented.”
I have never felt entitled to my title or my job and I’ve been lucky to have some great ones. It was just my moment to get the short end of the stick.
What was your initial reaction to being laid off, and how did you deal?
I wasn’t surprised. Maybe that is my protective self talking but when my company’s CEO stepped down after 10+ years, of course, things were going to change. And not just at my former company. Between strikes and layoffs, it’s been widely reported that 2023 was one of the worst years for the entertainment industry.
My wonderful husband somehow predicted the future and booked us a trip to Rome as a Christmas present a few months earlier, departing on what ended up being my last day. He had no way of knowing. The timing was simply incredible.
What's one piece of advice you have for someone who is at the very beginning of their laid off life journey?
I’m sorry you’re here. Be kind to yourself. Grieve. Journal. Call your friends and family. Go for a walk. Get on a plane and escape if you can afford it. Scream into the void. Take care of yourself, especially if unemployment isn’t the only battle you’re facing. Remember that it’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility. You may not be able to see it yet (or for a while) but believe that there is a whole wide world out there. You are not your job. You are you. And you are awesome.
What have you found to be the most challenging part of unemployment, both practically and emotionally?
Money. Unemployment benefits are so paltry. I’m grateful for them, but they do not pay the bills. I didn’t have debt at the beginning of this year. Now I do.
And the adage is true: many of the people you expect to be in your corner are nowhere to be found. The people who you barely spoke to at work or didn’t know before you got laid off often become your tribe.
What’s the most interesting thing that’s been said to you about being laid off?
“I’m not worried about you!” My answer back is, “You can be a little worried about me! I need your help!”
What unexpected benefits or personal growth have you experienced during this time?
I got my voice back. I don’t have a job, but I’ve never been more confident. Go figure.
I’ve also discovered how much I enjoy being present. As soon as I got laid off I got a journal and wrote down how I spent my time. I didn’t want to forget! What a gift to be present in your own life. To be aware and just look around. I’ve traveled, rested, exercised, and spent quality time with my parents, my husband, and my family.
What’s one piece of advice your employed self would give your unemployed self?
Save more money, you dummy.
What are your daily routines, rituals, and strategies for staying motivated, productive, and sane during your job search?
I have a list of 20+ people in my notes app who are currently looking for their next gig. I check in with them on an almost daily basis. I text them. I message them on LinkedIn. I send them jobs constantly. I connect people. I send resumes. I provide references. I do a ton of push messaging – to make sure people know they are not alone, and to reinforce that I am not alone. There is something very comforting about knowing there are so many of us in the same boat.
If you had a senior title in your last job, you are still senior and have power. Help more junior people who may not have the confidence to ask for job referrals. They don’t have the same experience emailing a recruiter, a headhunter, or a VP/SVP/EVP. Do it for them. Set them up to succeed. Landing the job will be on them, but setting them up is how you can help.
I am confident people mean well (specifically employed people), but just sending a job isn’t really that helpful. Do you know the hiring manager or recruiter? Can you find out? Send an email to them and say you’ve got a great candidate. Then follow up and follow up again. I do this all the time. People listen to me because I’m clear and concise in my ask and my most recent title was VP.
People believe confidence. I can’t stress that enough. If you aren’t confident in yourself, why should a hiring manager be confident in you? You’re not going to get a job because someone feels sorry for you. It’s just not how it works. It’s too competitive out there.
You deserve better than easy. The most underrated leadership coach I’ve come across is Peloton instructor Robin Arzón…and she’s not even on LinkedIn. (Which is such a flex BTW, but maybe an opportunity?) Her words just do it for me. She’s the ultimate coach/leader/boss. She holds me accountable. She’s uninterested when I have excuses. She’s there when I need her. She’s there when I don’t want her to be. She’s tough but fair. She expects a lot and knows I can do it. “You deserve better than easy,” is one of her favorite refrains. You know how your tennis game improves when you play with the best? That’s Robin for me.
Do not spend every waking hour on LinkedIn or your job search site of choice. Quality over quantity. I am on LinkedIn every day, but I’m efficient. I try hard not to doom scroll. I look, I read, I search, I forward and then I do something else. I definitely go back to it all day long (It’s my job to look for a job right now!) but I’m focused and intentional in my search.
Hot tip: Don’t look at LinkedIn AT ALL on the weekend. My job search has the same cadence as my job. Rest on the weekend. Monday will be here before you know it. A colleague told me she deletes the LinkedIn app on her phone on Friday and reinstalls it on Monday. Brilliant.
I think of the job search process like a hunt and I think of myself as a Cheetah. (I don’t hate it and wrote about it HERE.) The hunt is a lesson in confidence and endurance and you never know what’s around the next corner. As soon as I think “OK, that’s it! There are no more jobs or industries I want to work in!” a cool/interesting opportunity pops up. It happens every time. The cheetah in me patiently waits, actively looks around, and pounces when the opportunity is right. I am clear about what I am looking for. And when I see it, I am extremely fast. I build a campaign for myself, ask every influential person in my network for help and I do not give up.
Please share any networking or job search tips that have been helpful for you.
Use your network. I’ve been building and nurturing my network for 20+ years. I’m an extrovert. Creating and sustaining relationships is easy for me. (If you know me, you know I like to put people in my pocket and keep them forever.) This is a skill though. Don’t be transactional. A relationship is a give and take. I give a lot because I want to, but also because when I ask for something I am tapping into an already full well because I’ve done the work to maintain our connection to each other. I like the way Reese Witherspoon talks about relationships HERE.
Keep asking for help. There is no shame in asking and re-asking. The worst that can happen is people go silent. Employed people are busy! Keep your head high, and your confidence strong and just ASK. I do this with C-suite executives often–my advice: make your emails SHORT and ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. Read more on this HERE.
Be specific. If you don’t know what you want to do for your next job, it makes it that much harder for people to help you. And your job is to make it easy for people to help you.
Meet people in person if you’re able. The impression you make and the connection you create with someone can last longer than a Zoom.
Have something to look forward to. I love having days with nothing scheduled. I also like to book myself up with networking coffee/lunches/drinks so I have a reason to shower and get dressed. Not everything costs a lot of money. I have done many $3.00 coffee and power walk meetings!
A no may not be a no, it may just be a “not right now.” It's disappointing not to get a job, but if you get far into an interview process and don't get the position, keep those connections. You earned them! Connect with the people who interviewed you on LinkedIn. Email them every so often with an interesting article you saw about their company. You never know what other opportunities may come up. Play the long game.
Speaking of dream jobs, what is your dream job, if time, money, experience, and reality were of no consequence?
I’d be a comedy writer who moonlights as a professional TED Talk giver.
What kind of work are you hoping to do next?
I love TV. Always have. I know we’re supposed to “survive until ‘25” in the entertainment industry, but I’d love to be back at a streamer running a marketing team.
Other brands I’d love to work for: Peloton, Sony, Amex, Hello Sunshine.
I also have to shout out my new consultancy client, Just Watch – the world’s largest streaming guide for TV and film. Download it! I’ve been a user for years and now I’m helping them grow their U.S. footprint.
If unemployment were a competitive sport, what would your unique talent or skill be in that competition?
Energy. I would never, ever give up. I grew up playing team sports which means I am competitive, collaborative, and committed.
Remote, In Office, or Hybrid?
Hybrid. There is value to being in person with your team. That said, my leadership style is connection, not clock-watcher.
Most cringey job interview you’ve been on?
It wasn’t cringey per se, but I interviewed with a CMO in an industry I don’t know much about and no surprise, we just didn’t connect. If I’m going to be your DR, there has to be a vibe. We have to create trust and alignment (and this may sound trite, but we have to like each other) or it’s just not going to work.
What are your worthy time wasters? What are you reading/watching/listening to/consuming right now?
I don’t waste time. I enjoy it! Here’s what I’m currently enjoying:
📺 Watch:
The Traitors on Peacock (just give Alan all the awards – LOVE!)
Anything Taryn Delanie does. She’s so talented.
🎧 Listen:
The Town w/Matt Belloni — essential for entertainment folks.
Pivot w/Kara Swisher & Scott Galloway (Also, I love Scott’s newsletter No Mercy/No Malice–I’ve been reading since his L2 days)
We Can Do Hard Things w/Glennon Doyle.
SmartLess —man, they are just so good.
📚 Read:
Lucas Shaw’s newsletter Screentime from Bloomberg — perfect Sunday evening read.
Sean McNulty’s, THE WAKE-UP was recommended to me by a former colleague. His format makes me chuckle.
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert– a gift from my writer husband. It opened my mind.
@humansofny and @upworthy on Instagram. Anything where you see the beauty of humanity up close is just my jam.
One cheap thrill that you recommend?
Walking. Listen to a book or a podcast and just keep moving. One of my most favorite things to do in NYC is walk the Highline.
What are your “walk-off” songs?
These songs hype me up like no other. They are a combination of “you got this” with some “f-you” energy for good measure.
Any final thoughts?
It may be obvious, but these lessons, thoughts, and ideas may not apply to your situation. There is no one-size-fits-all. We are all on a different starting block. I have a lot to be grateful for. My parents are healthy. I am happily married. I’ve failed before so I can approach things with confidence, not fear. I have peace and perspective. I actively choose joy. So knowing all that, if the above doesn’t connect for you, that’s OK. Just take what works for where you are in your journey. And remember, you are not alone and you got this.
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