#96: How Do You Know When You're "Over" a Layoff

You can’t bounce back from a layoff on a deadline. And that’s okay.

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How Do You Know When You’re “Over” a Layoff?

When I was 25, I went through a soul-crushing breakup. It felt like my entire life was falling apart. (It kind of was—but not because of the breakup.)

I didn’t know how to deal. I probably should’ve marched my ass to therapy. Instead? I gave myself a 90-day deadline to “get over it.”

Much older me finds this... adorable. And deeply misguided.

At the time, I thought it was a genius plan: heartbreak, but make it efficient. Set the timer, cry it out, write all my feelings in my journal, move on. But here’s what I know now: you don’t get to control how long it takes to get over a loss. It takes as long as it takes.

Last week, I grabbed drinks with some friends who were laid off around the same time I was. We got to talking—how do you know you’re over your layoff?

“When you realize you’d never want to go back,” one of my friends offered.

I liked that. But for me, I knew I never wanted to go back. The moment I turned in my laptop and badge, I was done. And still—being ready to leave doesn’t mean you’re over it.

Because a layoff, even a well-timed or long-overdue one, is still a loss. And loss leaves behind all the feelings: bitterness, anger, sadness, confusion, existential dread. (Fun!) If you don’t deal with those feelings, you miss the opportunity to grow.

So how did I know I was over my layoff?

It wasn’t a single moment. It was more of a shift—when I finally felt like I was walking a new career path. When my days had a sense of direction again. What I had been grieving, it turns out, wasn’t my job. It was the loss of a daily sense of purpose. And yes, a reliable paycheck.

Here’s my long-winded point: there is no universal marker that says, “You’re over it now.”

Some people bounce back fast. Others take months or years. And the worst thing you can do is slap an arbitrary deadline on your healing.

You have to feel it. Sit with it. Mourn what was lost, and make space for whatever comes next. It’s a process—not a detour. Skip the hard part, and it’ll come back to haunt you later.

Oh, and that breakup when I was 25? It took me waaaaay longer than 90 days to get over it. But eventually, I woke up one morning in my new life, and I felt something surprising: gratitude.

Getting dumped forced me to take a different path. One that ended up being more honest. More me.

And isn’t that the whole point?

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