#60: How to Befriend Your Fears
What does it mean to "do the work" after a layoff?
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How to Befriend Your Fears
I’ve spoken a lot about the importance of “doing the work” after a layoff — especially before jumping into your next job or venture. “Doing the work” is a phrase I tend to hate in almost every context because…WHAT DOES IT MEAN EXACTLY?
It means something different to every person. But the results are the same. Personal growth! For you, I’m opening up my journal from last year to show rather than tell what it looked like for me.
Journaling is not for everyone. I get it. But for me, it was an excellent tool to exfoliate my brain. Before I launched this newsletter, I was sitting with my journal pretty much every day and trying to purge what was lurking inside - both consciously and unconsciously.
One of the biggest areas of “doing the work” for me was stepping through fear to see what might be waiting on the other side. Below is an entry in which I went through the exercise of befriending my fears instead of trying to wrestle them into compliance. Never works, does it?
How do you “do the work?” I’d love to hear. Drop a comment below.
July 24, 2023
Befriending Your Fears!
What is standing in the way of me having the job/career I want.
Lack of clarity about what I want.
Lack of belief in myself.
Fears about not having enough money.
What are your biggest fears right now or what are you most afraid of happening?
I’m afraid I won’t be able to find any work at all.
That I’ll drain all my savings.
That I’ll lose my housing.
I won’t be able to support myself.
Everything I’ve worked so hard for will be gone.
I’ll never be able to have or realize the things that bring me happiness.
What narrative meaning are you assigning to these fears?
That I’m a hack who just can’t hack it.
I was never successful and I never will be.
That the rug will be pulled out from under me.
That things are black or white.
That I won’t be able to handle adversity or find solutions.
That I’ll have to rely on others for help or handouts.
Are there any alternative interpretations?
That I’ll build up a new career over time.
I might have to use some of my savings but I’ll start working and earning eventually.
I’ll find a new definition of success.
That I’ll get some YESes amidst a sea of NOs.
That my efforts will pay off.
That I have lots of skills and I’ll be able to leverage them.
This isn’t the end. It’s the beginning of something new.
If these fears come true, what would the worst case scenario be?
I have to move out of my apartment.
I have to leave NYC.
I have to live with family.
I have to take out a loan or borrow money.
I have to work a job that I hate just to get by.
I have to start over. The life I worked so hard to build for myself just collapses and I have to start from zero as a middle-aged person.
If these worst-case scenarios came true, what are some alternative beliefs?
I’m taking risks.
I’m following my heart and soul.
I’m reinventing myself.
I’m incubating something new.
I’m being smart and reacting appropriately to my circumstances.
If the worst-case scenario happens, what might I gain on the other side?
Totally new IDGAF energy.
Freedom from the grind.
A more balanced, aligned life.
New opportunities.
More trust in myself.
What might stepping through these fears be trying to teach me?
Less attachment to possessions and material things.
Less pinning my self-worth on my career achievements.
More self-belief and self-confidence.
A chance for the creative part of myself to be in the driver’s seat.
A new definition of and relationship to “success.”
Worthy Time Wasters
Here are my recs to combat doom scrolling.
It’s fall, which means all the best TV and books are coming in fast and furious. I’m consuming at a rapid pace, but can barely keep up! SEND HELLLPPPP!
📺 “Nobody Wants This” (Netflix) is the Jew/Shiksha that everybody wanted. It gives LOLs without being too trite and unlike a lot of other recent rom coms, the two leads, Kristen Bell and Adam Brody, actually have chemistry. I'm also in heaven having “My Brilliant Friend” (MAX) back for another season — especially coming off of my trip to Italy. Is there a better story that exists? I can hardly think of one. And of course, there’s “Emily in Paris” (Nextflix) which wrapped up the season with more Italy porn. 🇮🇹 👀
In the reality TV universe, Mormons FTW. “Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” (Peacock) is back with a BANG. So happy to have Crazy Mary, Baby Gorgeous and the others back on the screen fighting over bath bombs, pulling out grievance scrolls, and deciding to get Bat Mitzvahed. Also have to mention “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” (Hulu). What does the future hold for #MomTok? Who cares. But the show, as stupid as it is peels back the curtain (slightly and maybe unintentionally) on the anti-feminist nature of the religion. You can listen to a good breakdown of the series on the
podcast.🎥 I like to think of fall as serious, indie movie season. Both “I Used to be Funny” (Netflix) and “His Three Daughters” (Nextflix) fit neatly into this category. Bring Kleenex.
🎧 “You Probably Think This Story’s About You” was a stripped down and unsensational true crime documentary series that I found incredibly refreshing. One of my favorite books of the summer was All Fours by Miranda July. This episode of “Where Should We Begin with Esther Perel” featured a fascinating convo with July about the story.
📚 I read several books while on vacation and my favorite by far was The Wedding People by Alison Espach. I’ll just give you the setup in one sentence: A woman goes to a fancy hotel to kill herself and there happens to be a wedding happening. It was a life-affirming must-read. And sigh, yes, I have been swept up in the Sally Rooney press tornado. I’ve started reading Intermezzo. We shall see if it’s worth the hype.
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Loved the activity you shared :)